Today I was living out the old SWV song, “Just One of Them Days.” All you hip hop fans sing it with me…”just one of them days that a girl goes through, when I’m angry inside, don’t wanna take out on you…”
Anger is my least favorite emotion. I seem to get stuck there. I can kick my ace at the gym, talk it out with friends, or drink a nice cold chai from starbucks and nothing seems to make a dent. Anger is the emotion that my heart has the hardest time navigating through. With anger, I seem to carry around tight fists and a hard heart. I hate that.
So what is my remedy….journaling. No other outlet suffices for time wrestling in out with my maker. Today I camped out at my usual Starbucks with pen in hand and a clean page readied to catch me as fell to my metaphorical knees. After a time of flipping around to different places I landed on the perfect speech for me. Psalm 95 was the truth for my holy of holies today.
Psalm 95:7 states, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the desert where your fathers tested and tried me, though they had seen what I did.”
The Isrealites tested and tried the Lord every day. God revealed himself to his people all the time. He saved them from slavery, led them out to safe pastures, provided food and water in the desert. He protected them with a pillar of fire and yet they tested and tried the Lord. How was God not enough? To whom could they compare him to?
I am guilty of the same testing and trying. There are so many times that I look around at other people and other things for life and satisfaction. God reveals himself to me. I know what he has done for me. I know that he is my maker, which means he is the only one who knows how to break my anger, release me from my fears, heal my brokenness, and satisfy me. He is the only one who is enough.
God was dismissed by his people. They saw his provisions, love, care, faithfulness, and goodness everyday. He still failed to be enough. The question I have to ask myself is how many times do I see and hear him and dismiss him? Too many times I find myself in the of battling with a hard heart. The truth I am reminded of today is that God is the only one who is enough.
What or who are you comparing to Him?
Is he enough for you?
How’s your heart?
i love hearing how God met you in your camping spot today.
DILY.
unedited versions. they are the best kind! Thank you for always reading!
I was wondering when you’d share something new.
I don’t listen to hip hop or get jiggy with it, but I’ve had my share of anger.
There are many ways I’ve dealt with it–as a kid, a teenager, a young man, but as an ol’ fart I’ve found writing works quite well for me.
As for your questions…Are you ever one for small talk? :grin:
But seriously…
…I compare The One I cannot see to the things I can see, The One who never shook my hand with the ones who can give me a hug.
…but He is enough when I close my eyes to the world around and the world I keep hidden in my heart–that is, in my sinful nature.
…my heart? Heavy. Anxious. Dark. But ready to rock n roll just the same.
Like I said, I don’t get jiggy. ;)
Everybody can get jiggy with it!! that’s what mirrors are for!
Small talk is not my forte…. I guess that’s what makes bloggers unique. How are you at the small talk?
I liked the way you described the battle of Him verses you. I like that you seem ok with that.
It took me some time to accept the duality. But there’s an old saying. One I invented about a month ago.
“Don’t struggle with the struggle. Just struggle.”
Small talk is certainly not my forte, either. I kind of prefer the conversations people usually have late at night.
In point of fact, I like coming here because you don’t make “small talk.”
And that’s nice.
Hi Tracee. Over from the grit. Just wanted to say that your pictures Alece has posted are so awesome. You have a great eye for line and interesting composition.
i’ve been talking to Him a lot about my heart lately. i don’t want it to grow hard through all this. i want to remain soft and pliable in His hands. [cue mental image of play-doh.]
i know that will happen as i fear the Lord more. (everything we’re always thinking about comes back to that!) prov. 28:14 basically calls a hard heart the opposite of fearing the Lord. so the more i fear Him, the softer my heart will remain.
i know a soft heart feels more. it absorbs the blows that come its way; it bruises; it is tender. sometimes having a hard heart toward certain people seems preferable because things will bounce off; things won’t hurt as much. but i know the price to be paid for the hardness will be more painful in the long run.
i want my heart to remain soft, not only toward the Lord but also toward others. if i consider Him faithful, trust in His character, and fear Him more than any of this… my play-doh heart will stay soft in His hands.
part two:
i know pride will harden my heart. (daniel 5:20) should i be so arrogant as to think i am any less broken or any less in need of His grace than those who have so wounded me, that is the beginning of the hardening of my heart.
humility and brokenness. dangerous things to ask for, and yet i find myself asking Him anyway.
say something, sweet friend, when you see pride rearing its ugly head in my heart. pride often doesn’t see itself in the mirror; point her out to me if you ever see her.
i remember going through a time of really asking and praying for brokenness. that was such a hard time. i would never trade that for anything. the more you start those patterns of thinking now, the more you will know richness in his grace. i will tell you. please tell me. pride is my downfall. she is the thorn in my side. dang the thorns!!!
You have definitely showed a soft heart. I think a soft heart is just willing. i know you are willing to be molded by him. i have seen and heard. you have a great heart friend.
thank you, sweetest friend. i love you!