I have been stuck on this word “enough” for quite some time. The road to understanding that word for me seems eternal. To believe in myself that I am enough would probably change life as I know it. I have days of dipping in and out of that belief. I desire for that word to take a root of significance in me.
Believing you are enough is understanding that you don’t have to earn everything. Believing that I am enough enables me to feel the freedom to just be me. Apart from this belief it is harder to experience life without thinking there is some unmeetable bar or standard to live up to.
As I read Jacob’s story I can’t help but see the intense struggle that he has with knowing he’s enough. Jacob has had to fight for everything in his life. He has had to fight for love, attention, worth, recognition, and his uniqueness. Jacob never knew he was enough. This belief facilitated his restless fighting with the Lord that night.
I see in my own story how this restless desire to believe I am enough plays out. I wrestle with feeling like I have to prove my worth in relationships. This also plays out in the area of wanting to believe that just me has something significant to offer. In life I have experienced being labeled by different things. Those labels have carried more weight in my life then the truth that just me is enough.
As I wrestle with being enough, I find myself struggling with the belief that life is all up to me. I become very self-sufficent in efforts to earn everything. That is an immense amount of responsibility I put on myself.
At the end of a long night of fighting with God, I do believe that Jacob began that new day with a new mindset. Jacob was changed that night. I think it came from finally shifting all his self efforts to earn being enough to just believing God was enough.
The next day Jacob had an interaction with his brother Esau. This was the first conversation where you can see the shift in Jacob. Esau met Jacob out on the road. Jacob offered his brother a huge gift. Jacob finally opened his hands of everything to his brother. There was a release in Jacob. I can almost sense Jacob’s exhale of freedom as he said to Esau, “1 Please, take my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough.” So he urged him, and he took it.”
How freeing are those words, ‘I have enough.” God became enough for Jacob. Jacob shifted the weight from life being up to him, to finding signifcance in being enough. I desire to know that exhale for me. I am wrestling my way there. I am ready for the shift of resting in the fact that he’s enough, which makes me enough.
Do you believe you are enough?
What holds you back from knowing you are enough?