Posts Tagged ‘confession’

I am definitely not a patient driver. I can go from singing a nice Christian song that’s on the radio to yelling, arm motions and all, at another driver. I am even known to call a  time-out on the phone to yell at another driver. I don’t know what that is. I can’t help but wonder where that comes from in me. I am not a very angry person, in fact I really don’t like being angry. But in the car…dang!

The thing about the car is that my anger is very much a double standard. I know I cut people off, or make decisions that affect someone else’s ignition of road rage. I am not the best driver, and in times of confession, I drive while texting. I can pass people in their cars, who are talking on the phone, and hear myself say, “GET OFF YOUR PHONE!” and two lights down the road I get on mine. What is that!?

I know this attitude and mentality plays out in more areas of my life. Some things I am aware of and some are still surfacing in me. I am not the best at extending grace after I have received the huge blessing of grace and forgiveness. I resonate all to well with the parable of the unmerciful servant. Embarrassingly, I catch myself slamming others for the things I do.

I feel convicted this week by the words of Jesus as he confronts Simon and his friends. In Luke 7, Jesus is hanging out at Simon’s house for dinner. At that dinner, he loved a woman and forgave her of her many sins. Jesus ends the discussion about the woman by saying, “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

Those words are piercing to my soul. I know I do not get the depth of forgiveness and grace for me. The woman forgiven that night by Jesus knew the depth of forgiveness. I can speculate that from that night on she loved deeply and forgave freely. This woman loved much and knew much forgiveness.

Forgiveness and love are connected. Jesus doesn’t say,”to whom little is forgiven, the same forgives little.” Jesus harnesses the depth of how one loves with the understanding of forgiveness. By taking the time to look my heart over, I see how much I don’t get forgiveness for me. I am one who shows little love because of my lack of understanding. That wrecks me inside. I am really learning how much the two are connected together.

I crave being a deep lover of the heart. I so desire to understand how much that was sacrificed to forgive me. This requires humilty on my part. That is really hard for someone who is a professional at being self-sufficient.

How we love has everything to do with our understanding of our own need for forgiveness. Out of this place will we be able to forgive others. Everything stems out of our relationship with Christ. Forgiveness does not have two categories. Meaning forgiveness of self and forgiving others. I think that the ability to forgive others comes out of our own understanding that we are forgiven.

The more I have been marinating on forgiveness the more I find myself knee bound. I can’t seem to say “forgive me father” enough. There is humility in that recognized need. My heart feels soft and my love big.

I know I will teeter back and forth for a while. But this week I can honestly say I have “tasted and seen that the Lord is good.”


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