Posts Tagged ‘heart’

All of our hearts have deep thoughts where words don’t exist to articulate them. That is the place in me where God is known.

My heart has thoughts and not a lot of known words. The weight is heavy, and sometimes that is all we know. God still knows the words I don’t have.

Sometimes all I have to give are those silent spaces to him.

Today I am gonna pray. My model for praying comes from John 17 where Jesus prays for himself, friends, and all believers. Pray with me if you want, or take some space on here and bring your piece of paper to him.

Father, my heart is looking for your breath in me. One breath is all I need to feel life flowing again. Please breathe life into my dry bones. I am coming to you with my weary self to find your promise of rest.

I pray and ask you to think through my overwhelming thoughts. Take my heart and gently love me deeply. Take my mouth and speak truth through me. Speak to the deep parts of me. Please Lord. Please be the chest I lean against at the table my soul’s hungry for. Please be the hand that touches my face and lifts me up. Please be the smile that brings me joy. Please remind me you are near. You are a huge God, but please be the God of my hearts small things.

Father, be near to my closest who feel dreamless, and full of questions. Provide wisdom to my friends who are waiting for your direction. Protect their hearts as they wait on you. Protect them from the seemingly easy decisions that would cut corners.  Help them hope. Remind them what hope in you feels like. Be near to my closest as they search for you and ask questions. Be near in their silence and pain. Be near as waiting tries to steal their everything. Please guide us in right friendship. I praise you for them. I praise you for friends who are more than gifts.

Father, I pray for all believer’s who want change. Give us all wisdom to not want what is to the right and left. Keep us from think going over the gate is the more attract for fast way. Give us patience as we navigate through the tension of living in a world, but far from of it. It is hard. Let us be a generation that stand up for you. I really want to be a part of a people who wants to live life different no matter what.

I praise you for life,  friends, and community. I praise you for you. Thank you for sitting with me. It’s in your sons name I that any of these words come before you…amen.

Read Full Post »

Trust is a prized possession for me. I keep the card of trust very close to my heart. Have you ever seen those scenes in a movie where one person is handing over money, or something of great value to another, and they can’t quite let go? Yea that’s me with trust.

It’s not that I have my trust on lock down, its more on lojack. I know where my trust is at all times. I assess more than people before playing my trust card, I assess every situation.

This might seem extreme, but trust is no small thing for me.

I treat God with similar lojack trust. I know if I hold my trust card close with other people, I do it with God as well.

I treat, as well as, view God with human limitations.

More often then not I think that people can care for my trust far less than they really do. I have limited my view of God’s ability.

God made the heavens and all of the details of the earth. I am so small minded when it comes to thinking that he can handle the burden of my heart.

I could blame my past wounds for my current issues, but it still doesn’t apply to who God is.

David is my go to reminder of someone who risked his trust with God. The psalms are the only thing my heart and mind can read right now. All of me feels full and consumed by back burner thoughts. The psalms are perfect for back burner thoughts.

David knew how to unload his heart before the Lord. David was a man who also knew broken trust in his life. His wounds in life never placed limitations on God. I am always in awe by the out pouring of his unedited heart.

David understood how big God was. David had a right God-perspective. He saw God’s abilities not his own.

I’m working on seeing God for who he really is.

Read Full Post »

There is a wrestling that comes when responding to tension in life. Living out of a comfort zone requires no wrestling at all. There is a want for both. There is a need for both.

What do we do in the stretching?

I struggle with both tension and being comfortable. I say out loud that I don’t like being comfortable. If I am being most honest, I like my own routines. I appreciate things that are known for me. There is a certain exhale that resides in comfortable. However, the downside of being comfortable can also lead to the shackles of complacency.

Tension keeps me restless and wrestling.

There is a huge tension in my life that I wrestle through every day. Andy Stanley defined this kind of tension as a “need for wanting more.” I do. I am feeling the tension of wanting more.

I live in the tension of the “not yet.” That is my season of life at the moment. On paper, I am considerably comfortable in place of living and job. Honestly, both make me restless. I could choose to settle for life as I know it now, but I would sorly miss out on life all together.

Tension is healthy.

Tension reminds me that God is working on what is in the “beyond me” kind of things. God is great at providing hunger and tension to enable dependence on him. Comfort requires no dependence or movement.

Tension creates a place where faith and ability merge.

Tension can feel maddening, and requires a conscious fight. I am more aware then ever that my response in the tension matters. There is some serious character building in the tension that not everyone is willing to enter into.

There are certain fears that rear their ugly heads in my tension. I know I have a tendency to let them respond for me. I am bittersweetly thankful for when my fears and insecurities surface. Tension builds character. It’s hard.

Choosing to sit in a tension that is unresolvable is so hard. There is nothing quick about tension, and there is no time line for the question of “how long.” I am learning that the process that the tension brings is priceless and worth the hard.

How do you deal with your tension?

Read Full Post »

There is something that happens when words are allowed to sink in deep. There is literally a physiological stirring in us when words take weight. I am a words girl. I value words spoken and unspoken very much.

Words also carry a weight of responsibility with them. Words have the ability to build up or tear down. Different words affect people in different ways. Both words of truth and words of lies can stay with a person for a lifetime.

I have words on repeat in my head that I am scared to let surface. I lack the courage to take on my lies. Words take root.

I feel the fight in me rising. I feel momentum somewhere in me that is awakening.

God is teaching me the value of his word. His words should be the ones my ears are attuned to. His words should be the ones I wait on baited breath for. The language of lies should sound foreign and incomprehensible to me, but they are not.

I wish I could say that God’s words were the ones on repeat in my deepest parts. Don’t get me wrong, God does speak to me, and his truth does rock my soul to the core. I have had “aha” moments where words of truth finally make the journey from my head to my heart. I am very aware of how much I miss out on him.

I have been rocked this week by a letter Paul writes to a brand new church in Thessalonica. In this letter, Paul talks about thanking God for the way the Thessalonians received the words of God’s truth. Paul states that, “when you received the word of God, which you heard, from us, you accepted not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe.

This is a loaded verse. I am so challenged by the value of words from this verse. There are so many things I read throughout the day. I read quotes, statements, thoughts, stories, and messages that are the words of men everyday, and I know I can place more value on those words.

I am challenged to really accept the words of God for what they actually are; words of God. That means something. That means everything. These words are living and working in us who believe. I want his words to mean more to me than any other words out there.

Peter responded to a question Jesus posed by say, “to where shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

This MEANS something!

Words are always at work in us. They are either doing construction or demolishion.

Which words do you want at work in you?

Read Full Post »

Ever have those times where you feel all over the map with your thoughts and emotions? Sometimes I just stare at my bible and wonder where to begin. I go over the rolledex in my head of stories and verses wondering what fits.

Sometimes diving into a gospel or book is exactly what I need, but other times I just feel all kinds of question marks.

Recently, I have started thinking and praying about the needs of my heart. I have been asking God to show me what my needs are and praying for truth over those things.

Each time I recognize a new word, I have started going to scripture and reading everything that has that word in it. It’s powerful to fill your mind with truth when there is so much room to fill it with lies.

I have also started speaking those words and truth out loud. Makes a difference for sure.

I want to encourage you to try it.

Pick a word your heart needs and truth the heck out it. It makes a difference!

Read Full Post »

I am feeling the weight of sorry. It feels caving to my chest.

I feel like I can’t say sorry enough. It feels like the only word I have right now. I feel the weight of my sorry.

I am very aware of my sin. I am aware of the weight and affects of my sin. I feel stuck in the place of sorry.

I wish there was a deeper word for sorry. I wish there was a word that took the sting from sorry away. I see my shortcomings and failures. I see my self-sufficient choices that have left me staring at a pile of sorry. My shoulders drop as I have made the choices to enable my heart to feel this way.

I can’t seem to say sorry enough to the Lord. I have sinned against him. I am sorry for keeping him waiting on me. I hate that. I know I don’t have to keep apologizing to the Lord. I know he forgives, and has already forgiven, my sin. Sorry is the offering I have.

I feel caught in the mood swings of the psalms. One psalm David is on top of the praising God world, and the next he is offering of a broken and contrite heart. That’s me.

Sorry is humiliating. Not the act of apologizing, although that is no fun either, but broken pride requires humility.

I am trying to sit in my sorry. It sucks. All I have is surrender. I think I am finally ready for it.

Today I have a choice. Today I have a chance, a decision, and opportunities.

How will you choose today?

Read Full Post »

Today I started a new journal. Starting a new journal is so intimidating for me. I usually sit and stare at it for a while before I open it. I wonder what will be written on it’s pages. I wonder what new things will be on my heart. I wonder what dreams, pain, wrestling, and restless thoughts will be written out. I wonder about the prayers of my deep heart. I wonder what new me I will be during this next journal.

I am hopeful. I am ready for a new season. Literally every time I finish a journal, I am already on my transition from one season to the next. It is no different today. With welly eyes, I am ready.

I wonder what this book will say. Journaling reminds me that He is still very much writing out a story in me. He only gives me chapters at a time.

The next chapter is beginning.

Deep breath….

Page one…..

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »