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Posts Tagged ‘life stories’

story

 

Choosing change is risky and hard. It takes courage and hope. 

There are just times in life when you know something is no longer working. This could look like a behavior, coping mechanism, career, or relationship.

Change is meant to bring about motivation and renewed sense of self. I know God uses restlessness in me as motivation to get unstuck in life. Comfortable is safe and predictable, but that does not equal life giving.

He is always writing a continuous story in us and carrying it on to completion. He redeems all things and makes all things new. There is nothing too lost or too broken for Him. He never settles and never gives up. 

I am praying you don’t either. Never settle, never give up. You are worth it. You matter and are more valuable then comprehension.

What is one way you need to tweak your story? 

How do you want your story to read?

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I often use the phrase, “I’m working on it” when referring to my heart. I am learning that in reality I use this phrase as a shield to guard against actually having to confront my messy heart.

I used this phrase recently, and afterward I had to ask myself the question, “am I really working on it?” I can play this card as a safeguard – as if saying, “I’m working on it” lets me off the hook for responding out of my fears. By hiding behind “working on it,” I give my fears permission to take root in me.

The reality is that our mess is really hard to work on. It takes courage to confront our own hearts. My heart resembles a crater field after the dust has settled from battle. It displays the wounds of life. I have craters with other people’s names on them. I also have holes that echo the natural consequences of my unwise decisions. I get overwhelmed when staring at all the craters in my heart. I have also experienced seasons of ignoring my wounds and walking away to find comfort elsewhere.

The false advertising of life is that pursuing comfort elsewhere does not add wounds to the already broken heart.

As the wounds of my heart run deep, they manifest in different masked ways. If feels scary to confront them. Saying it out loud makes them more real.

The foundation of my crater field happened in high school when the affair of my father came out. The news shattered my world and brought on a deep level of pain I never knew could be reached. This grief sowed seeds of real fear in the core of my heart. These seeds manifest themselves in ways I am aware of as well as in ways I am still learning to identify.

I struggle with abandonment in paralyzing and infuriating ways. I guard my heart so tight that pain can’t find a way in. This fear paralyzes me from taking risks to experience real life and real intimacy.

I also fear being replaced all the time. I fear intimacy as it forces me into places that require the risk of being vulnerable and my heart exposed. I fear being a “meantime” friend as if it were only a matter of time before my friends find someone better than me. I am not using “better” in a prideful way, but voicing my deep insecurity that keeps my heart on lock down. I hate the nagging feeling of always holding my breath in waiting. I even imagine, and play out in my head, being left by the other person as a way to prepare myself for pain. By actively staying in this place of fear, I voluntarily place the shackles on my life of being enslaved to those fears.

I hate this long standing pattern of life for me. God has already done a ton of healing in me. I can honestly say that I am more whole than I used to be. It is a conscious effort to choose to trust people. I am trying to get used to sitting in a place of discomfort and lack of control. That place is terrifying for me.

There’s still the question of what if someone did decide to leave? This is a real possibility. I still grieve the loss of some really close friendships. It is even more of a possibility as our culture moves further away from commitment.

God is my redeemer. He promises that he “began a good work in me and carries it on to completion.” I have now edited my comfort phrase from “I’m working on it” to “He’s working on me.” I cannot heal my own heart. God is gentle as he waits for me to surrender my white flag to him. God has been redirecting my life out of the desert. I have spent too many weeks/months/years living life there.

Instead of adding bricks to the Great Wall of me, I desire to begin surrendering myself to him. Hillsong has a great song with lyrics that state,“rid me of myself, I belong to you…lead me to the cross.” This is my hard prayer to pray.

What are you “working on?”

How is He working on you?

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phonto

Our life stories are being lived out every day. We make choices and choose paths that lead us down new roads and dreams.

I have been thinking a lot about what kind of a read my story is right now. I look back and see many pages filled with adventure, laughter, pain, fear, and realizations. Many characters have been written in and out of my chapters as well.

My life speaks of failures and successes; waiting, doubts, and glimpses of something new.

This got me thinking about my story now and what is to be written on my pages to come. It has been fun to think about what I want my life to be like, and what I want it to say. It is always good to know what you stand for. It is also empowering to really think about the person I want to be. It forces hard questions to be wrestled with.

I would love to think about this with you.

If someone gave you a blank whiteboard to write out the rest of your story what would it say? Who is the person you want to be? What kind of character are you?

We have a lot of say in how our story is being written. This is not something to take lightly. You matter. Your story matters.

How do you want your story to read?

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There are many roads in life.

There is:

The road less traveled

The High and low road

Road to nowhere

Road to success

Road of possibilities

Road of healing

You might be at a crossroads or fork in the road.

Maybe you’re walking the road to redemption or truth.

Maybe you’re on a road trip or singing “Life Is A Highway.” (or not)

You could also just be at the end of your road.

Whatever road you are finding yourself o, it matters. Everyone has a road marked out for them. Every road is personally designed and tailor made.

This weekend, I watched a great movie called The Way. I loved it. It was about a group of four mismatched people walking an amazing journey along the Camino De Santiago.

This journey is made by thousands – all in search of something for their own hearts and lives. The most popular route of the Camino De Santiago starts in southern France and stretches 500 miles into Santiago, Spain.

The common hello and good bye was “buen Camino,” which translates to have a good trip, or good road to be exact.

Each character had a different purpose for walking the Camino. They all walked this stretch of life together. It was shared heart’s, shared stories, shared pain, shared questions, shared scenery, shared sorrow, and shared joy.

The road was challenging. It had set backs as well as abundance. They all had different paces. Each one made it to the end in Santiago.

The apostle James is said to be in Santiago. The original purpose for the pilgrimages across this Camino was to seek forgiveness from St. James. Thousands have walked the redemption road. People from all over the world, come to different life revelations.

It was so beautiful to watch and imagine all the stories along the Camino.

Everyone is on their own road marked out for them. Everyone is on some road of redemption. We meet many along the way – all stories are different and purposes not fully known. All Camino’s have challenges and questions. I want to encourage you to walk well with those journeying with you. Listen and love deeply.

Buen Camino!

What does YOUR Camino look like?

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Last week I filled out the paper work and sent my passport into be renewed. It may seem stupid, but it took me a few minutes to let my passport go.

I flipped through her pages and smiled at all of her stories. The last ten years of life being told through stamps. 

I couldn’t help but get teary eyed.

This was my second passport completed. I am so thankful for the words and memories she holds in her pages.

I would have to say that my passport is my most priced possession. She is one thing that I hold most dear to me. My passport is the diary of my passion and heart. 

I have traveled to over 14 different countries and used her over 23 times.

I have spent time drinking wine in Spain and  Italy. I’ve lounged on the beach in the Dominican.

I ran around the hills and sights of Greece eating gyros, drinking “Ouzo, ” and yelling, “OPA!”

I’ve swam with Great White sharks, held tigers, gone on safari, served the poor through faith conversations, and had my life changed by the people of South Africa. 

I have had life changing conversations and experiences in Lebanon. I floated on the surface of the Dead Sea in Jordan, and watched as scripture came alive on the streets of Israel.

I have stories for many more. Life has been full of goodness and exposure. I would trade any of my adventures for anything.

I’m excited for what new adventures are to come. I am REALLY excited to check more off of my bucket list!!

What stamps are in your passport?

What tops your list of places to visit and experience?

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