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Posts Tagged ‘life’

The sound of shattering glass makes me immediately respond with a cringe.

Anytime I hear the sound of glass shattering – even a vase or cup dropping – my shoulders go up and my face cringes.

You know you have that “oooh” response when you hear a waiter drop a tray of glasses.

Shattered glass has a distinct sound. Shattering makes the sound of spilled pieces.

What about when it happens to your heart?

The sound of a shattered heart looks silent, but it makes the sound of spilled tears and sobs. Yet, I still make the same cringing face when the heart shatters.

I have the honor of being a contributing author for a book being published in September. I never thought I would be published or be an author of really anything. I am beyond grateful for this opportunity.

I spent months crafting the pages of my heart’s story in Word form. This has been no small thing for me to tackle. Writing this chapter has forced me to look back over the shattered pieces of my heart. I cringed daily as I tried to put words to my shattered pieces.

The grief of my shattered pieces still ache today. Nothing like writing it all down to reopen some wounds…

My heart has endured some shattering through the messiness of a broken home, broken trust, broken relationships, broken survival skills, broken dreams, and just a broken me.

I sat for a long time starring at the pieces of me. The sound of my shattered heart can still be heard through spilt tears. I have no idea where those pieces go. I have no idea how to heal in some areas. However, I am grateful that He knows how all my pieces fit back together.

There are also new pieces I have discovered and still working on putting words to. My tender heart still cringes at the sound of risks that end in shattered pieces.

No piece is missing. No piece is extra. Every piece matters.

The process has been so bittersweet for me. However, it is always worth picking up the pieces. Piece by piece, I am healing towards a whole heart.

NO piece is missing. Every piece matters. Risk to place your pieces in the hands of the one who mends us back to together.

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We love because He first loved us.

These not so small words have been bringing me to tears lately. I have been sitting and stare at this truth.

I know love at all because He first extended it to me.

So often I can pride myself on the self effort of love. I crave loving deeply. I make every effort to do so. What I forget is that it’s not my love that I’m offering.

Love comes from somewhere.

Love started with someone.

THE only reason we know love at all is because He first loved us. THE only reason we recognize love at all is be He was the first to present honest, right, true, and deep love to us.

I am realizing how much further this extends into so many other deep truths.

I know grace because HE first had grace on me.

I know forgiveness because HE first forgave me.

I want to make people feel seen because HE first saw me.

I want to make people feel valued because HE first valued me.

Love, grace, forgiveness, value, and life come from a someone. They are started with a someone. Any parts of those words that I know is because of his firsts. To know more of the depth of those words is to know Him.

I am sitting in the weight of what I know because of Him. I am sitting in the weight of wanting to extend the offer of those because they were first offered to me. I just shake my head at the gift.

I smile now at the glimpses of those firsts I see of Him as others offer those words. Whether they realize it or not they accepted something, and someone, that was first offered to them.

My love is not my own. It started with a someone first. I am only offering the extension of that same gift given to me.

I hope to give that gift deeply more and more every day of my life. 

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I hated learning to drive with my parents. My mom was the worst. She held that “oh crap!” bar above the window while running commentary the whole time. I finally just asked if my brother could teach me. I think that was a better arrangement for all us.

I never quite understood the process of needing a learners permit before getting the licenses. I just thought, a couple of parking lots and laps around the neighborhood…I got this.

We all know we needed help learning how to drive. I am so glad I was not just handed the keys right out of the gate. God definitely worked over time with me in my first year of driving.

I have been reading through the gospels for a while. All roads of my learning lead back to the word process.

There is a process that happens from the gospel to Acts. So glad Jesus did not just hand the keys to the kingdom over to Peter right out of the gate!

There is a huge, and very necessary, process that happens from when the disciples accepted the invitation to follow after Jesus, and becoming apostles.

Jesus did not talk to Peter about building the church on him until he confessed that Jesus really was the Christ.

I have been marinating on Jesus’ words that he is “the way, the truth, and the life.” There is a process in knowing all three of those words. We have to believe that Jesus is all three.

When we accept the invitation to follow after God, we go through the process of realizing that he really is the way. The same is true for realizing that he is the truth, which produces in us a way of life.

All of it is a process.

The key to process is intimacy. It is the same with our closest friendships – trust comes through intimacy.

I bounce back and forth in the process of learning that Jesus IS all three. There is a process to me. There is a process to you. God has something for all of us. God has specific keys to hand to each of us. There is a process of getting there.

What process are you in right now?

How are you with not rushing the process?

 

 

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I love getting to know people. There so much uniqueness and specifics to every person. There are a lot of great things to know.

I would love to know more about you.

What is one thing that is easy for you? Why?

What is one thing that is hard for you? Why?

My easy is listening. I love listening. I love hearing what is not being said. I am a hear between the lines kind of person. I love learning another person by listening.

My hard is receiving. I am really bad at receiving both small and large things. I jump at deflection. I too easily dismiss what things that are just for me. Working on it.

You’re up!

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I feel like someone shook up my snow globe of life. Everything is off kilter. I think traveling does that. My heart is working on the landing.

I have missed knowing the life  story being written in you.

How are you? What’s been going on un your life these days?

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I would consider myself to be a big picture person. I can get lost all day in big vision. I love me some day dreaming. I think about what is next all the time. I think about life as it could be and not much about what life is presently.

I have been wondering if the great cloud of witnesses I read about in the Bible struggled with restlessness as much as I seem to be.

I think about Abraham and the big things God had for him. Moses led the captive Israelites free. David entered the scene the exact time he was supposed too. Peter was wired to start the church. John the Baptist had dream to prepare the way for the Messiah. Paul brought the message of salvation to those considered to be outside “God’s people.”

God had specific things in mind for specific people.

Sometimes I can focus on the big things of God. He made the earth and everything in it. He holds the world in the palm of his hand. God is the beginning and the end! That is big!

God is also specific. He paints every stroke in every sunset. No sunset is the same. God knows all the hairs on my head. He promises not to let a sparrow fall the ground without knowing. God has specifically knit each person together in the womb. He is specific.

I can forget that he is specific for me. I can so easily get caught up in looking around and comparing myself to what God has specific things for others. I miss what he has specific for me.

There is a reason why I am not a song leader for a church. I cannot sing. I can’t play a note of anything, let alone combining both. Leading other people in song is not my specific.

It is when I see other people exceeding at the dream I am so eager to know. What is hard is when I see glimpses of my dream being played out in other people. It is then that I lose sight of a big God who is also very specific. He has something just for me. If he had a number of hairs in mind for my head, he has something specific for my life.

I can’t tell you the exhale that comes from remembering that God has not forgotten about me. He has something just for me. With that exhale comes freedom. I am still working on the hope part, but there is a release of pressure.

Remembering God enables God to be God in me. I want his specific. I want to be who God knit me in the womb to be.

My hope is that you can remember, and believe, that he has specifics just for you.

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My heart is racing already this week. I am filled with wonder and excitement as I head down to the ATL fora conference called Catalyst. I can’t help but wonder what new things my heart will learn and know. I wonder what “aha” moments I will have as words of wisdom are met with understanding in me.

Last year at Catalyst, I was overwhelmed with awe at spending time singing, dreaming, and learning along side 13,000 other incredible people. I love learning with others. I love sitting next to people who have a passion to be better at leadership, as well as, who they are. I love joining 13,000 people in sitting at the feet of so many great speakers. God speaks, that’s for sure.

I feel like I am in a very different place in life going into this year’s conference. My heart is thinking and dreaming in different ways. I know this year Catalyst will mean so many great new things for my heart. This year I am looking for God in different ways and in different conversations. This year my heart is expectant for the unexpected.

The extrovert in me can’t get to Catalyst fast enough. My heart comes alive in a crowd. I love me some crowds. I feel most at home with crowds. I have been lacking that for some time. I feel an exhale coming on. I am giddy over the new people I will be around and meet. I am very excited for some huggin! I am hopeful for the confirmation and redirection of my heart as she is being spurred on.

This year, I have different risks to take, hopes to hope, dreams to dream, and questions to ask. I am in need of courage to do them all. God is all about the bigger than me. That is where I will fix my eyes and see what he has for me.

Would love to connect if you will be there!!

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