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Posts Tagged ‘loss’

“All People suffer loss. All loses are bad, only bad in different ways. No two loses are ever the same. Each loss stands on it’s own and inflicts a unique kind of pain.”

– Jerry Sittser

No one can escape experiencing loss in their life. It is inevitable. Life is tethered to joy and sorrow. Every season has its own felt grief.

The truth about loss is that it’s not comparable. 

I experienced loss within my family structure. My parents separated and divorced when I was a Junior in high school. That year changed my life. My father made the choice to end a marriage with my mother and move on to another woman.

His choices changed my life forever. I not only lost a cohesive family unit, but I lost an every day father and parent. I lost my self-worth and security. I lost stability and sureties that I once knew. Fears were real; they flooded my life and identity.

Death and divorce have shared feelings and responses. They have a kind of sisterhood of effects. I write in depth about these subtle differences in a chapter I wrote for “Inciting Incidents.”

Divorce is hard in that it is not a death. It carries the same created voids as death, but divorce has no closure like a death. Divorce carries the weight of rejection in loss. I felt a lot of rejection in that someone else was chosen over me. My value felt rejected. Divorce says, “Sorry, not you.” I felt given up on. There is also a unique sting in rejection in that it is not a mutual decision. Both experiences come with an extreme sense of loss. However, the difference being that death is involuntary and divorce is a decision. There is an end point with death, but divorce marks the death of a relationship.

The pain of rejection is hard to find words for. Without being able to articulate my thoughts and feelings at the time, I found myself in a deep season of grieving, mourning the loss of everything I had known to be normal. I was not sure how to carry on. I was not sure what life was supposed to look like after that night. I found myself battling depression. I slept as often I as I could. I skipped a lot of school, as studying seemed pointless. I had trouble relating to my friends. I mourned the days where I just worried about which boy I liked, passing notes in the hallway, playing sports, and negotiating curfew times.

This kind of emotional conflict was so new to me, that it consumed my heart and I did not know how to deal with it. I am not talking about trivial arguments or getting into fights. I am talking about deep conflict where things just don’t feel like they make sense. I had so many questions that had no answers. How do families dissolve? How does that much deception go unnoticed? How do I even begin to think about forgiveness in the midst of such real pain?”

Grief steam rolls through our life. Pain matters. It is real, every ounce of it. To read more of my story check it out HERE!

How have you experienced grief in you life?

How have you handled loss in your life?

 

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I read a quote that has been perfect timing for my season of life.

T.D. Jakes said “we grieve over what we’ve lost because we don’t see the miracle in what we have left.”

Grief is just hard. Feeling the impact of loss is a very real and on going thing. There is no time line or warning for grief.

After natural disasters strike, we are captivated by pictures of devastation.

The voice of loss is always louder than the voice of survival.

What we have, what has survived in and with us, matters so much.

It is a miracle.

It is like looking down and seeing a flower in the midst of a warn down battlefield.

The hint of life in the midst of loss is a miracle.

Gratitude changes the perspective of every situation and circumstance.

Even if you are not experiencing loss, gratitude is still life changing.

What are you grateful for?

What are your signs of life?

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It seems like I am all about some bittersweet moments lately. I don’t know if that is a sign of a softer heart for me, or just more of an awareness of my own messy heart.

It is bittersweet when I find myself in those times where the same bible story seems to be every where I go, and in every other sermon. It always takes about three times before I stop and wonder why I am hearing something on repeat. That particular topic seems to creep into conversations out of no where. Now I am just at the point of chuckling.

Right now I have a top three-topic list going on right now. Among those three is the topic of God as father.

I have been camped out in John for a while. In John chapter five, Jesus has just finished healing a man on the Sabbath. Leaders in the Jewish community were not happy with what Jesus was doing. Jesus stuns this Jewish group by referring to God as his father. The Jews were outraged by the fact that Jesus would claim to be God’s son. They were also mad because Jesus was considering himself equal to the father.

Every time I have read this passage, I have just glazed over these words. Not this time. I can’t shake the fact that I think Jesus was redefining yet another relationship aspect with God. Jesus was modeling an intimate label with God. Not only that, I think Jesus was telling us that it is okay for us to call God, father. God calls us his children.

This is a bittersweet statement for me. I am so thankful for a God who wants to be known by me as father, but I have no idea what the word father really means. I don’t have good associations at all with the word “father.” This statement from Jesus feels overwhelming to me. I desire to know God the way Jesus describes him to be, but this is a relationship I just do not get. My heart feels the weight of my loss

In the past there have been great glimpses of “father figures” for me. To be honest, at times, I get so ticked that I even had to have “father figures” in my life. It reminds of the loss of a father who should have been, well a lot of things. Nonetheless,  I have been blessed with great male mentors, counselors, and second homes. These are just glimpses. I still mourn the loss of knowing what father really means. I mourn understanding healthy intimacy from my father. I hate that.

I know God as provider, gracious, forgiver, savior, perfect love, leader, powerful, beautiful, and faithful. Father will always be a hard one for me.

My prayer has been for him to open my eyes to that side of who he is. I am praying for God to show himself as father to me.

How do you know God as father?



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