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Posts Tagged ‘patience’

This is an incredible video that will hopefully change the way you see and love people.

Change your lenses through which you see people.

Help someone feel seen. It runs deeper than you know.

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I drop my head between my hands, tears well in the corners of my eyes, heart, and sighs.

Everything in me wants to fight, to scream, to defend, and to show that I am more than who people think they know.

When my voice feels silenced and my life unseen- I push, I pull, I fight in the tug of war of wanting so much more. I chase and pursue every opportunity that comes into view; Frustrated, wondering what else am I supposed to do!?

Only He is the defender of the weak, father to the fatherless, home to the lonely, lifter of my head, and one who knows my name.

He fights for those who are still. So I sit, still, in quiet desperation. Still is my posture when waiting is all I have.

The illusion of control is surrendered. Knees are buckled, and the bruises of this reed are bowed.

Self-sufficient strength is exhausted, leaving the only option of faith. And I sit in the dark night of quiet desperation.

God, do you hear, do you see? Where is the exhale, the reprieve? When will it be my turn to do the thing I yearn most to glorify you?

Quiet desperation

It’s the deep place below the surface where the waves rise and the water is stirred.

Quiet desperation speaks of the heart’s tension between wrestling and waiting on what only He can do.

Choosing faith in the midst of waiting ignites the heart of quiet desperation.

It sits and waits through the longing and the ache. It chooses joy and celebration even when it feels fake.

Quiet desperation happens within the places only He can reach. We have wounds only He can speak..truth into the lies only He can reach. And dreams which only His steps can make.

Quiet desperation waits in humility and obedience in the hope that the other side of “someday” will be proved true.

So my hope for me and you, is that we see the face and the hands of the one who is making all things new.

Quiet desperation is not forever.

Maybe you’re wondering about the how of what to do with “right now.”

Be still and know that He is God.

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Sometimes the phrase, “Hindsight is 20/20” just ticks me off. I have a love/hate relationship with it.

I appreciate looking back on a season of life and having “aha” moments, but I always wish that I would be able to see those things as they are happening.

We do learn from our mistakes as we look back on them. We gain wisdom from seeing clearly what God might have been up to as we reflect, but I just wonder why it takes looking back some times.

The grieving process is one of those ongoing things in my life where I usually have to look back to make sense of my heart.

Even now, I shake my head at the ways the wounds of grief manifest itself in my responses, fears, insecurities, and doubts.

I wonder.

I wonder why doesn’t God reveal the total effects of pain and hurt in our lives all at once? Why am I still just realizing some of the effects of pain – pain that seems so long ago – playing out in my everyday responses?

I find myself just asking, “God why not just show me? Why not just show me the effects of pain all at once when it happens?

It is in these times of asking that I remember a story in Exodus where God has a similar conversation with Moses. God is explaining to Moses that he is going to lead His people from the desert into the promise land. He talks about all of the foreign tribes and lands they will conquer to take over the promise land.

Just when you are getting all psyched up from the list of successes God is going bring for His people, he adds in a little part that deserves a double take. It’s one of those parts that should be italicized and called “fine print.

God tells Moses, “But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.”

Wait…wha….?

All of those great victories He just spent time talking about in the verses before are not going to happen all at once!?

I am learning that God is a God of process. It is because of His grace that we do not get to feel or even see the effects of everything all at once. It would be too much to handle.

We need His grace of the “little by little” in our lives. I may throw tantrums for understanding things through hindsight, but God cares about my abilities to handle things.

Little by little, God is doing something in us.

Little by little we get to the place of being able to take “possession” of something going on in our hearts and lives.

Little by little is where wisdom and understanding comes in.

Little by little is His grace for us.

What is something going on in your life that you wish God would show you more about what’s happening?

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We all carry around our heart’s pieces. Some like to think they have it all together, but the reality is that we are all broken in some way.

Our hearts have been touched, wounded, influenced, affected, and tugged on by other people. We are fallen people. Our relational experiences influence, and can even dictate, our interactions and responses to others.

We all see through certain lenses to life. Each person’s lens display shades of past handlers.

We all encounter heart’s that we did not break, but they are broken nonetheless.

I know mine is. I know people come up against my broken places. I know I respond out of those places from past wounds and fears. My lenses dictate my responses.

I ask forgiveness a lot from friends who I hurt on account of responding from places they did not break. Some friends are not responsible for my trust issues, but they feel the effects. Some friends I snap at, and for some my porcupine spikes come out.

Some conflicts warrant those responses, but usually it’s because of my own past broken places.

I hate that.

I hate the hurt I cause due to my own hurt places. I hate the broken places others feel. I hate that people have broken hearts and know the effects of pain. I hate the way I get on people that does not speak of love and gratitude.

I am fallen. You are fallen. We get on each other. We pass down our broken places in relationships.

Today, when you come up against the broken hearts of others you did not break, be gentle. Be understanding. Be grace filled. Listen. Be part of their healing. Respond differently.

Love covers over a multitude of brokenness.

From this broken heart, let me be the first to say thank you for choosing to respond differently.

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All of our hearts have deep thoughts where words don’t exist to articulate them. That is the place in me where God is known.

My heart has thoughts and not a lot of known words. The weight is heavy, and sometimes that is all we know. God still knows the words I don’t have.

Sometimes all I have to give are those silent spaces to him.

Today I am gonna pray. My model for praying comes from John 17 where Jesus prays for himself, friends, and all believers. Pray with me if you want, or take some space on here and bring your piece of paper to him.

Father, my heart is looking for your breath in me. One breath is all I need to feel life flowing again. Please breathe life into my dry bones. I am coming to you with my weary self to find your promise of rest.

I pray and ask you to think through my overwhelming thoughts. Take my heart and gently love me deeply. Take my mouth and speak truth through me. Speak to the deep parts of me. Please Lord. Please be the chest I lean against at the table my soul’s hungry for. Please be the hand that touches my face and lifts me up. Please be the smile that brings me joy. Please remind me you are near. You are a huge God, but please be the God of my hearts small things.

Father, be near to my closest who feel dreamless, and full of questions. Provide wisdom to my friends who are waiting for your direction. Protect their hearts as they wait on you. Protect them from the seemingly easy decisions that would cut corners.  Help them hope. Remind them what hope in you feels like. Be near to my closest as they search for you and ask questions. Be near in their silence and pain. Be near as waiting tries to steal their everything. Please guide us in right friendship. I praise you for them. I praise you for friends who are more than gifts.

Father, I pray for all believer’s who want change. Give us all wisdom to not want what is to the right and left. Keep us from think going over the gate is the more attract for fast way. Give us patience as we navigate through the tension of living in a world, but far from of it. It is hard. Let us be a generation that stand up for you. I really want to be a part of a people who wants to live life different no matter what.

I praise you for life,  friends, and community. I praise you for you. Thank you for sitting with me. It’s in your sons name I that any of these words come before you…amen.

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My heart feels prayer consumed. I can’t seem to talk to him enough. I don’t want to get to the point where I feel like I have talked to him enough, but this is where my heart is.

Praying means a lot to me. I pray using the model of John 17.

Jesus prays for himself.

-Jesus prays for his friends.

-Jesus prays for all believers.

Maybe you are feeling like you need some talk time with him as well. I would love for you to pray with me or even take some space on here to pray for you.

Father, my heart is heavy. I feel heavy with conversation. I feel like we haven’t really talked in so long. I feel like there is so much to catch up on with one another, but you still know all things. You have seen my every day and every moment. I have left you hanging and sidelined in me for too long. I wonder why I am tired. Thank you for your grace and patience with me. Thank you for forgiving me every time I just take information about you and run with it without abiding. Forgive me for my walls of control and protection. I never need protection from you. I never need control when it comes to you.

My heart is tired. Well, all of me is tired. For the first time in a while, I feel like my soul is waking up. I feel like I have been telling my heart over and over to wake up, and now new dawn seems to be peaking through. What does that mean? Help me to trust.

Father, I pray for my friends. I pray for the dreams and hopes of my friends. I know I try and step in too much to where you are supposed to be. I love those you have given me so much. I know I forget you are the one who gave them as gifts. Forgive me for holding too tight to them. Forgive me for the fears and jealousy that comes out of holding too tight to them. Forgive me for the places that they fill me where you are wanting to. Thank you for gently restoring my failures. Help us to love each other with healthy and open handed love. Help us to forgive much so we can love much. Help us to speak in times of speaking, whether tough love or tender, and help us to listen when silence is needed. Thank you for your gifts.

Father, you know all the temptations that threats to your church. Provide strength, joy, and courage to speak your truth. Give believers a real hunger to want you, to crave intimacy with you. Give us means and wisdom to know how to stand up for intimacy with you. Let the lies of this culture be silenced. Give us a voice that sounds and looks like one. Jesus desired that we would be one like you are one with each other. I pray that. I pray that we would value greatly knowing you and making you known. Show us your favor Lord. Help us give you space, time, value, and authority. Help us to pursue the life of just believing in you.

Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for your love, grace, and gentleness. I love you, father. In your sons name, amen.

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When I think about what healthy relationships look like, I always think about David and Jonathan. These two guys are often in the spotlight for how well they loved each other, as well as, how they modeled friendship. When I read about their friendship, I see some serious fruit. Relationships have weeds that can threaten its growth, but it also has great fruit.

One characteristic about their friendship that I am constantly drawn to is their selflessness in regards to one another. Let me give a little back story on how they cultivated this friendship. At the time when David and Jonathan began their Bro-mance, Jonathan’s father, Saul was residing as king. David had been anointed by Samuel to be the next king due to Saul’s disobedience to the Lord. Naturally, Jonathan should have been in line for the throne. It was no secret to Jonathan that David was the one to take the throne.

Jonathan did not fight for the throne. He never tried to force himself on the throne or over turn what God had set in place. Jonathan loved and supported David as the one who would be taking over his birth right.
I don’t know about you, but my natural response would not have been love and respect. I would have gone down swinging. Dang weed!

Even if Jonathan felt jealous or envious of the throne, he did not respond that way. He celebrated his friend and brother. When David was moving more and more into the lime light as a great leader and warrior, Jonathan never responded in bitterness. He loved his friend and celebrated his victories. He also celebrated David as people praised him and cheered for his growing fame. I wonder if Jonathan wanted a taste of that lime light?

At the time when David and Saul’s relationship grew more volatile, Jonathan stuck by his friend. Jonathan was a man of integrity. David trusted him with his life and the intimacy of his friendship. They modeled an honest relationship that I’m sure came with much forgiveness.

A great relationship allows/enables each person to be their total self. A healthy relationship allows the other person to rest in acceptance and unconditional love. Good relationships allows for grace and forgiveness. As a result of grace and forgiveness, a sense of safety takes root. This is when the sound of exhale starts to be heard within the relationships.

So how did David and Jonathan have a healthy friendship?

In my speculation, I think they both understood God’s love and forgiveness for themselves. David had such an intimate relationship with God. I know that had to have made a difference in their friendship. The characteristics of their great friendship are the characteristics that make up the character of God. God is loving, forgiving, grace filled, and patient. He is slow to anger and abounding in love. God is the God of integrity. He is trustworthy. He celebrates his children and never settles for anything less than the best.

I have to believe that our understanding of who God is can set the tone of our weed filled or fruit filled relationships. How we know who God is directly affects our relationships. All good things come from above.

This is my desire for all my relationships.

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