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Posts Tagged ‘personal journey’

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Road trips are great for a little while, but there is always that moment of, “dang! How long have we been in this car!?”

The start of a road trip is awesome. You’ve got your snacks, tunes, and laughter. The end goal is fast approaching, and anxiously awaiting your arrival.

What about the in between?

There is always an in between before arriving at our destination.

I have been reading the Old Testament lately. I have realized a pattern has developed by the time Saul becomes King. Each person who was anointed by God went through and in between time.

God had a destination for Joseph, but years of development took place before he was appointed into leadership. Moses had some time in the desert before God used him to set his people free. Saul did not go immediately to the castle to be king. David went back to the field before his time of king came to pass. Jesus even needed time to develop in wisdom, stature, and favor.

God always includes an in between time.

However, I have also noticed that each person had a time of rising to the occasion – each person was given their own opportunity.

I have a dream, but feel very much coasting in the in between time. Questions arise in my heart, and hope flickers. Wondering what or if God is doing something.

Starting out somewhere and arriving at a destination is not the most important part to God. Who you are when you get there matters.

God ushered all of his leaders into place. He gave them all the perfect opportunities. I am sure they all had questions stirring deep down of why they were still in “the field” when their hearts beat for more.

They all had to choose to believe in the one who gave the dream. They all had to trust the words of the one who has something ready for them. Even when the in between felt unnecessary, they all had to wait and develop.

I do to. As much as I fight it, I need the in between. I hope I am ready for that opportunity. Honestly, I still hope it is sooner than later, but I will wait. Well… trying really hard to.

Are you waiting in your in between time?

What does development look like for you?

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Every New Year I feel very ready to kick the previous year to the curb. I am ready for all things new come January. New Year’s always gives me the hope of just that…NEW.

For the past two years, I have joined in the growing community of choosing a OneWord for the year. To be honest, each year my word has made me its _______. Still trying to live a life of FOLLOWING in 2011, and continuing to work on my jealousy through CELEBRATING others in 2012.

This year….this year I need new. This past year shattered me on so many levels. Sitting here at the table and looking at the proverbial puzzles pieces of my heart, I wonder where to start.

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Have you ever had those seasons in your life where you feel like more than the wind has been knocked out of you?

There is hard and then there is feeling defeated with no fight left. I am exhausted from pain, brokenness, discouragement, conflict, transitions, rejections, and deferred hope. I need a break.

Every war has times when the fighting ceases for sleep and rest. Every boxing match has rounds when each fighter gets a breather to regroup.I am that fighter in the corner needing a breather. I am that wounded soldier needing rest from the front lines of life.

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SO my ONEWORD for 2013 is HEALING.

To be honest, slowing down and healing is not easy for me. Whenever I broke a bone or sprained an ankle I was bad at heeding to the instructions for healing. There is a reason doctors say it takes six weeks for broken bones to heal. I always that it was just a suggestion. I should have committed to waiting.

The patchwork and Band-Aide management of my life has become unstitched. It is time to let the Healer do His thing.

This year, I am focusing on the healing stories in the gospels. I want to learn about the what, who, why, and how of Jesus’ healing miracles. Hoping He heals me there.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.”

These are some promises I am holding onto this year as I put back the pieces of my weary self. My hope for this year is that of a renewed hope, trust, peace, and forward motion through grief. 

What is YOUR OneWord of 2013?

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One of my gifts and curses in life is being able to talk my way out of things. I was the student who charmed her way through skipping class, handing in homework late, or getting a teacher off track. Let’s be honest, school got in the way of my social life.

I was also the daughter who negotiated curfews and side stepped punishments. My mom is northern New Jersey to the core. She doesn’t mess around when it comes to bringing the mom voice. I was known for pushing the limits and amending her instructions. Every time I knowingly crossed the parental guidelines I knew the voice was coming, but so were my speeches.

Driving home late past curfew or going to someplace I wasn’t supposed to, I would rehearse a readied speeches. She called it disrespect, I called it creative rebuttals.

This is one way I identify with the Prodigal son. The life of responsibility and tending to dad’s farm was getting in the way of his social life. The prodigal packed his bags, and with dad’s inheritance check in hand, he set out in search of meaning. It wasn’t too long before the inheritance dried up and he found himself alone.

When the voices of false advertising grow silent the reality of our spirit of poverty is made known.

When the Prodigal found himself alone with nothing, scripture states that, “he began to be in need.” Sobering truth and awareness was the process for this Prodigal. Filled with shame and humility, he decided to go home.

Knowing the Prodigal had lost so much of himself, his family, and his life, as he headed home he began to rehearse a speech; Father, I have sinned against you, I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired hands.”

The father sees his son like a mirage walking down the road, and takes off. He throws his arms around the Prodigal and lavishes him with love, a robe, and celebration of renewed son ship. The Prodigal didn’t even get to finish his speech.

I look at this speech and see how much I rehearse the same one for God. I struggle to know love that is unconditional. I feel like I battle knowing love that doesn’t hold try-outs.

I still have speeches. If I’m being most honest, I still think the father’s love depends on my earned efforts. I will even go so far as to punish myself even when grace and love are extended.

I wish I could see a follow-up to the Prodigal story. I wonder if the Prodigal still rehearsed persuasive speeches for the father’s love after that day. I wonder if he still tried to earn love even though his father covered him with grace and forgiveness. Broken relationships take rebuilding, but that does not affect love, or at least it shouldn’t.

I would love to know your thoughts and responses to the Prodigal story.

Do you write speeches for God?

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I can’t believe it has already been a year since the start of OneWord2011! Last year I was so ready to kick 2010 to the curb. This year is not much different. I am ready for all things different.

I can honestly say that I am a different person from the start of last year.

It is time to turn the page – start a new chapter – introduce new characters – and wrestle with all things new.

I am sitting here in Starbucks staring at a blinking cursor mustering the courage to tackle a new hard word. Typing it means saying out loud.

Celebrate

Celebrate is my OneWord for 2012. You are either singing “celebrate good times, Come on!” or wondering why this word would require courage. For this I need to set the stage of my heart.

Jealousy is a small word that affects every part of me.

Jealousy is my biggest weakness.

Jealousy is my human hearts greatest challenge to conquer.

As kids, we discover the word “mine.” Our young eyes build on the foundation of wanderlust. We figure out early on that we want what other people have. There seems to be a shift in childlike contentment when the heart of comparison starts to form.

As kids, we wrestled with the struggle of equality. Our siblings had more milk, a bigger half, different bed times, or even better things.

It didn’t ever seem fair.

Somewhere along the line we developed the mentality that we were owed equality, if not better, than someone else.

Jealousy is more readily seen by the fruit of comparison. Jealousy is the hardest thing to see in the mirror.

Jealousy is that small piece of yeast that works its way through the entire dough.

Jealousy reveals the posture we have toward God.

Jealousy is rooted in the message that God owes me something. (I hate that my selfish heart struggles with saying that to God at all. He owes me nothing, yet has already given me everything.)

I struggle greatly with jealousy. The fruit of my jealousy is comparison.

I have entered a very new season of relocating, job searching, and just the unknown of everything. Sitting in a place of feeling far from myself and a bit lost is hard on the heart. This is a place jealousy feeds from.

This is where my word “celebrate” comes in.

Celebration is the active opposite of jealousy. I want to create a new pattern of celebrating the gifts, dreams, and favor of others first. I want to get to a place where my first response is joy and the genuine excitement of another’s good fortune.

Celebration is the discipline I desire to conquer in 2012!

Cups up to a new year of wrestling hard!

What is your OneWord365?

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