Posts Tagged ‘unfaithful’

Distrust has been one of those strongholds in my life. I have a hard time trusting other people on many levels. Distrust seems to be a knee jerk reaction for me. This is not a character trait I want to hang around in me. Distrust in my relationships starts from my distrust in  my relationship with the Lord. If I have a hard time trusting others, it is because I have a hard time trusting God.

God is always gentle with my heart. He is patient with my deep fears of distrust. He has remained so faithful to me. I am prone to wander because of my fear of trust. When this fear kicks in, my natural bend is to become self-sufficient and self-protective. It is usually out of this place where I become unfaithful to him. I take control of the reigns and take off.

God shows himself even more faithful to me when I am unfaithful. That is so humbling. I have been praying a lot about his faithfulness lately. I have a quieting going on in my heart as I try and grasp what “abiding in him” means. This has been a humbling process.

God is truly faithful. He always meets me where my heart kneels down. This week he has blessed me with little things that seem to be just for me. At various moments I will recognize little unique reminders just for me of his faithfulness. I exhale that he loves me so much that he knows my little things.

He is so faithful. I feel humbled by his faithfulness. The little things matter. They are there.

How do you recognize God’s faithfulness?


Read Full Post »

It’s Thursday and and I feel like my heart has gone through so many ups and downs this week. It has been rough exposing my unedited thoughts and heart for all to see. It has been hard to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of choosing vulnerability. I am not a fan of feeling out of control, but who is?

It has been a hard journey in confronting the weight of my fears. However, in the midst of those heavy places, I have heard his gentle whisper repeating, “faithful.” This is a word I crave to wash over my wounded heart. My fears are founded on experiencing the opposite.

The word “unfaithful” is often used in association with relationships and marital affairs. I wish different for so many people who have experienced the depth of this word. I wish I could change the wounds inflicted by this word. Unfortunately, our world exemplifies this word too often. The power of unfaithfulness is most deeply experienced within relationships.

Unfaithfulness is also known as being faithless. Faithless is becoming the new normal of our culture. Faithless can be defined as lacking consistentancy or loyalty. We lack the value of being true to our word. It is nearly impossible to place your trust in a faithless people.

A long time ago I made a decision to place my faith in God. I am realizing just how faithless I am/have been. The story of Hosea is one of the most hopeful stories for me. God called a man named Hosea to take on a prostitute as his wife. God wanted to use a human illustration of redemption as a result of our unfaithfulness to him. So Hosea married Gomer, (I might’ve gone with my middle name if I were Gomer, but that’s just me.) With in this extreme love story, Hosea fought for Gomer’s heart the way God stands in the gap for ours every day.

I am too much like Gomer. I am a person who has a hard time believing that love is for me. I have battles raging in my heart as I try and pry off my fingers of control. I am great at being faithful to me. In those times, I turn my back on God. I am faithless when I dismiss love and crowm myself unworthy. I choose unfaithfulness when I head down the road of self-sufficiency. I challenge God’s motives for my life. Sometimes I wait to see how long he will stay.

How much? How long Lord? He stretches out his arms and says, “eternity.

I change, he does not. I walk away, and he pursues. I tantrum, he waits. I identify myself with being worthless, but he hung on a cross to crown me as worth dying for. To the faithful, and faithless, he shows himself faithful. I exhale in that.

As the mess of me surfaces and fights, I hope to know faith more than I ever have before. I desire to be a faithful person. I want my character to be associated with faithfulness. I value so much when people consider me trustworthy. I am learning that God is also saying, “I, too, desire to be those things for you.”

Faithfulness is worth fighting for, because that is how God fights for us.

Read Full Post »