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Posts Tagged ‘Worthy’

Sometimes I just feel like I only have a voice shouting to God from a distance. Sometimes I just see through the lenses that are filled with wounds, scars, and sin. My jaded self-perception gets stuck on seeing the old me; the dirty and weighted down me. Sometimes I see a me that only seems to reflect the lies of being the “un-able.” Through those jaded lenses, I see a me that is un-lovable, un-ownable, and un-worthyable. Those are the “un-ables” in me.

I will admit that sometimes I only have the guts to yell out to God from a distance. I see the state of my heart and keep my distance. It’s in those times I have missed the reality of who Jesus really is.

Through reading the story of the Ten Leper’s, I see myself through the eyes of one.

Leper’s are the outcast and disgrace of a community. They are forced to live outside of the life and love of the “clean.” I find myself there so many times. My heart is messy.

One night, ten leper’s had a chance to connect with one who was not only clean, but one who could make them clean again. So they shouted from a distance, bringing the only thing left to bring, their voice. Jesus stopped, took time to meet them where they were. Jesus used his voice to make them well.

One man recognized his deep healing. One man recognized that Jesus’ voice made all things new in him. One man took that same voice used earlier from distance and knelt before Jesus. A voice redeemed. A shouting voice now spoke softly on it’s knees praising the salvation of a savior.

Jesus took one voice, who only knew worthiness only from a distance, and drew him close. Jesus only heard a voice of his beloved. Jesus only saw a man who was his child and worthy of healing.

I have been a voice begging and shouting from a distance. I have experienced times of only being able to see through fogged covered lenses. Jesus hears me, always, and invites me to himself. I have a choice to hear his voice and go on with my day, healed, but empty. I also have the choice to return to the voice of  my healer.

We have two choice: to either experience the healing or experience the healer.

Which will you choose?

Do you have the guts to call out?

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It’s Thursday and and I feel like my heart has gone through so many ups and downs this week. It has been rough exposing my unedited thoughts and heart for all to see. It has been hard to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of choosing vulnerability. I am not a fan of feeling out of control, but who is?

It has been a hard journey in confronting the weight of my fears. However, in the midst of those heavy places, I have heard his gentle whisper repeating, “faithful.” This is a word I crave to wash over my wounded heart. My fears are founded on experiencing the opposite.

The word “unfaithful” is often used in association with relationships and marital affairs. I wish different for so many people who have experienced the depth of this word. I wish I could change the wounds inflicted by this word. Unfortunately, our world exemplifies this word too often. The power of unfaithfulness is most deeply experienced within relationships.

Unfaithfulness is also known as being faithless. Faithless is becoming the new normal of our culture. Faithless can be defined as lacking consistentancy or loyalty. We lack the value of being true to our word. It is nearly impossible to place your trust in a faithless people.

A long time ago I made a decision to place my faith in God. I am realizing just how faithless I am/have been. The story of Hosea is one of the most hopeful stories for me. God called a man named Hosea to take on a prostitute as his wife. God wanted to use a human illustration of redemption as a result of our unfaithfulness to him. So Hosea married Gomer, (I might’ve gone with my middle name if I were Gomer, but that’s just me.) With in this extreme love story, Hosea fought for Gomer’s heart the way God stands in the gap for ours every day.

I am too much like Gomer. I am a person who has a hard time believing that love is for me. I have battles raging in my heart as I try and pry off my fingers of control. I am great at being faithful to me. In those times, I turn my back on God. I am faithless when I dismiss love and crowm myself unworthy. I choose unfaithfulness when I head down the road of self-sufficiency. I challenge God’s motives for my life. Sometimes I wait to see how long he will stay.

How much? How long Lord? He stretches out his arms and says, “eternity.

I change, he does not. I walk away, and he pursues. I tantrum, he waits. I identify myself with being worthless, but he hung on a cross to crown me as worth dying for. To the faithful, and faithless, he shows himself faithful. I exhale in that.

As the mess of me surfaces and fights, I hope to know faith more than I ever have before. I desire to be a faithful person. I want my character to be associated with faithfulness. I value so much when people consider me trustworthy. I am learning that God is also saying, “I, too, desire to be those things for you.”

Faithfulness is worth fighting for, because that is how God fights for us.

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